If You Hate the 'Burbs So Much, Then Why Do You Shop Here?

OK, OK; I get it.

It's not cool to live in the suburbs.

I've learned this lesson from several ghetto-thumping acquaintances and way cool urbanite bloggers like Tony's Kansas City who endorse living the ghetto because, well, I guess because it's the cool anti-establishment thing to do these days.

These ghetto thumpers so hate the suburbs (even if they actually still live in the suburbs, just a bit closer to the Almighty Urbanland and out of the dreaded Joco and into the hallowed dotte) that every chance they get they try so hard to demean them.

Take this random ghetto thumper (who makes sure to remind you of how cool he is by naming his blog after the very neighborhood of questionable safety and reverse-economic progress in which he resides), who seems to think that because some losers cross over into Joco from KCMO or the Dotte to inflict crime on the natives that Joco is falling apart and all us pasty whitefolk are looking at where to flight to next.

Give me a break. According to this website, violent crime in KC was 1,444 per 100k people, while in OP it was a mere 200 per 100k people. There were nearly 4,000 aggravated assaults in KC, and OP barely broke the 200 mark.

But that's just part of the point. What gets me is, considering how much you talk about hating the 'burbs, you sure do spend a lot of time out here. All the parking lots at the malls and businesses in Joco are chock full of MO and WY tagged cars.

So I guess while it's cool to live in the ghetto, it's not cool to support your ghetto community. You'd rather drive your money over state or county lines and give us 7 1/2 percent of it in sales tax.

So why not shop in your 'hood? Oh, what's that? Indian Springs is no more, and the Power and Flight district is a laughing joke of overpriced everything? What you say? Bannister mall closed like Indian Springs did because the rampant crime kept shoppers at bay?

Huh ...

Well, at least you seem cool living in your awesome neighborhood. So, I'll see you at Oak Park Mall this weekend? Sounds like a plan.

Our Mindless America

Why do I do this to myself? All I want to do is catch up on the news over my lunch, and I'm suddenly hurled into this harsh reality that our president-in-waiting lacks the experience needed to run this country, let alone pull it out of the economic raping that his party has so forcefully given it.

Next thing I know I'm reading how this damn fool-elect tells us “only government” can provide the solution to the country’s economic ills.

THIS is the change he's promised? Big government? The same crap the fruity dems have been pushing for since FDR and beyond? And here is the sick part; all of these star-struck liberals who voted this fool into office are so ignorant they're still taking his bait hook, line, and sinker while screaming thank you sir may I have another!

I truly wish this wasn't the case, but look around you. Besides the conservative mouthpieces (who are being banned by MSM outlets as I write this), who else is saying, "Hey, wait a minute ... this guy we've put into office is full of crap"? What more can we expect from the sheeple in this country who look to their television to provide their opinions for them?

No, our liberal sheep are too busy goo-gooing over The Fresh Prez's amazing shirtless physique to pay any attention to what's really going on, no thanks to our fabulous left-biased media.

For example; did you know that in 2001 the much hated President Bush tried to warn us about the impending liberal-fueled economic crisis? Of course not. But I bet you can name Palin's baby boy with Down's syndrome, her unwed daughter, and probably even her daughter's boyfriend. Here's another one: Which have you seen more on the news: Shoes being thrown at Bush, or an exposé about Obama's criminal and hate-fueled circle of influence? Ann Coulter says it best in her most recent article:

When Obama broke his word and voted for the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act bill (FISA), the Times' editorial began: We are shocked and dismayed by Sen. Obama's vote on ... oh, who are we kidding? We can't stay mad at this guy! Isn't he just adorable? Couldn't you just eat him up with a spoon? Is he looking at me? Ohmigod, I think he's looking at me!!!! Couldn't you just die?

How to be Giving: A Lesson for Liberals

I got a good laugh reading an op-ed piece in the uber-liberal New York Times called Bleeding Heart Tightwads.

The gist of the article is liberals are considerably less charitable with money and time than their conservative adversaries. But really, is this a shock to anyone besides liberals themselves?

It's safe to say a vast majority of conservatives adhere to some form of a Judeo-Christian belief system, which is steeped in charity and liberality. For example, in Leviticus 25:35, we are told:

If one of your countrymen becomes poor and is unable to support himself among you, help him as you would an alien or a temporary resident, so he can continue to live among you.

And in the New Testament, we're told by Jesus in Matthew 22:36 that the second greatest commandment is to, "Love your neighbor as yourself," second only to, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

Contrast this with the Humanist movement that's taking billboards and bus advertisements by storm. What set of values do Humanists (aka Atheists) have that charge them to be loving towards others? When asked this very question, most Humanists will tell you they don't need a higher being or ancient set of Scriptures to keep them in line and be good to others. If this is true, then why aren't they as charitable? Why isn't the world a better place? The main reason is focus.

Humanism puts the focus on yourself; on "individual happiness" as they call it; on how great you are and how much you can do for others because you're so freaking awesome, and any flaws you harbor are the fault of those around you and your circumstances. Judeo-Christian beliefs puts the focus on God. Achievement of all things are through God, and when we help others we do so to glorify God, not ourselves. And our faults are our own responsibility, and even through hardship we are to continue to glorify God.

Simply put, whatever you put into focus is what you work for. If it's the Humanist self, then you start to believe that you deserve charity. Your greed is stoked and you never lose focus of your wants and desires, even in the face of those in need around you. You point to others in higher income brackets than you and say those people should be the ones to give. They should be taxed higher and pay more to help the needy than the rest of us because we're all downtrodden and not nearly as lucky as they are! The funny thing is they already do give more than we do.

However, when it's God in focus, your wants pale in comparison to what you can achieve for Him. You realize that, even without a 42" plasma screen TV, iPhone, and Wii console, you are very blessed by grace and your heart's desire is to pass that blessing to the next person.

But it isn't just our faith that drives us to be charitable. Roughly 80% of millionaires in America are first generation millionaires. In other words, they're all self-made. You don't reach that level of personal success by letting your government take care of you. These people are true believers in humanity, not government-mandated giving. Yes, this free market that liberals love to hate so much that they're pumping trillions of dollars into it to socialize it is a key source to the finanical freedom that allows charitable giving. Talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face.

So why do liberals believe they are so charitable?

Suffice it to say that liberals think very highly of themselves. I haven't met a liberal who doesn't think he or she is considerably smarter than the average bear, bell curve be damned. Either they are mostly wrong or I just happen to know an usually high number of liberals with superior intellect. I suspect it's the former.

They also seem to believe that they are all unconditionally altruistic. And they emphatically state this openly and with a straight face, usually on the heels of defending abortion, supporting the (physically) Christian-bashing anti-proposition "h8" movement, or idolizing a Communist mass murderer, such as Che.

But mainly, it's because when a liberal actually does something charitable, they make a production of it. Oversize cardboard checks appear on stages with microphones and TV crews abound. Look at me! they seem to say; Look at how kind and warmhearted I am! Then it becomes plastered all over TV and magazines. Liberals, you miss the point.

True giving contains two elements:

• It hurts. Hark! I can hear the liberals whining ... But giving is supposed to feel good! I'm supposed to feel better about myself and superior to others! Waaaaa! No, it's supposed to be joyous, but not feel good. True giving is when you go out of your way to make someone's situation better.
• It's anonymous. You mean I'm not supposed to claim it? How will people know how wonderful and selfless I am if I don't advertise it? That's the point. You don't do it to impress others, you do it because it's right. Of course, to understand this fact you have to believe there is something called right and wrong in this world, but that's a lesson for another day.

Now of course, conservatives have their fair share of attention whores, but for every conservative attention whore there are ten in the wings who are humble and caring, so that stark minority doesn't even deserve attention. Rather, let's focus on how yon liberals can actually practice what you preach.

1. Stop making excuses. Liberals and their excuses are not easily parted. Even Nicholas Kristof, the author of the op-ed article, blames the down market for the lack of giving instead of cutting to the real reason liberals are stingy. Remember, it's not going to feel good to give. If you leave it up to your selfish motives, it will never be a good time to give. Just shut up and do it.
2. Put others before yourself. I'm not sure about this. Asking liberals to be selfless is like asking a leopard to change its spots.
   
3. Get humble. Some humility would do you good. You think you're so smart and you have it all figured out. Yeah, you and my 13-year-old son have a lot in common that way. But you, you're so brilliant that no God could hold you back. All these Christians and their creationism are just so far beneath you. Feel better? Now move on. Realize that you and the Christians you despise may actually have a common goal of making this world a better place. We do it for God and you do it because you think you're god, but in the mix you somehow forgot to do it altogether. Stop thinking it's about you and make it about those you can help.
   

Fun With Captions

Do you ever get the feeling that Illinois produces a lot of questionable, worthless politicians? Lincoln was a nice apex, but 140-odd years is a long time to rest on your laurels. In a state where Ayers, Farrakhan, Obama, and Wright live in the same neighborhood, I guess you gotta have low expectations. Did I mention it's going to be a long four years?

Obama and his thug-life entourage have set a fine precedence of a devil-may-care modus vivendi. Yes, this is just the beginning. The guy hasn't even moved into Tha' House yet.

Anyway, I came up with a few spot-on captions for this latest comedy of errors:

















Now that Blago has proven his ability to play dirty politics like the Big Boys, Obama welcomes him to his advisory panel.












What?! Come on, man! I'm just helping Obama spread the wealth around!















The bad news is that they're still going to go ahead and auction Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder. The good news is they're going to use the proceeds to help pay off the bailouts.

On a somewhat related note, Time has coined the best headline ever.

Always the Late Bird

The way you start your day determines how the rest of the day will go.
You might think I'm making this statement as someone who gets up early, works out, and does all sorts of productive activities. Actually, right now I'm kind of the opposite and it has me frustrated.

For the past several weeks, I've been waking up at about 7:45, frantically jumping in the shower to get my scrub on, force contacts into eyes that won't yet open fully and rush to get to work by 8:30. Once I get here, I try to be as inconspicuous as possible, which isn't very possible at all, and I spend the rest of the day playing catch up. I leave around 5:30 when the sun is down and I feel like I get home, eat dinner, and barely have enough family time because we usually have somewhere we have to go. We're home by 9:00, get the kids off to bed, and the next morning it all happens again.

Not exactly my ideal day.

There used to be a time when I'd get up around 5:00 or 5:30, spend 30 minutes in prayer and reading the Bible, then I'd go for a "jog" (that's what I call it when I go for a walk). I'd get home, have a smoothie, shower, and get to work by 7:30. I loved those days because I felt grounded. I'd get tons of stuff done at work and I'd be home in time to hang out with the family before our evening obligations kicked in.

So what's really the difference between the two?

Being a radical right-wing evangelical Christian zealot, I believe the primary reason the latter version is better is because I start the day doing what I'm supposed to do, which is nurture my relationship with God and asking Him to help me through the day. Doing this sets my priorities in my heart and mind, not to mention it makes me feel good, which is the daily attitude boost I need. I could then have a good workout and arrive at the office ready for the day.

If it's so good, why am I not doing it?

I ask myself this question every day as I'm dodging traffic on my way to work. This isn't how I want to live! So why can't I do it right? I know what I need to do to be on the right path, but knowing what to do and actually doing it are worlds apart. Oh, and I should mention that this isn't one of those blog posts where all the answers come in a nicely packaged bullet list at the end. Nope. You see, I'm merely expressing my frustration that I have some major life-changing goals for 2009, and if I can't get up on the pony then I'm not going to make it.

So these are the questions I'm asking myself:

• What's changed that I no longer do my morning routine? Something always comes up. Usually I get a cold or some virus that knocks me on my ass for a few days, then the routine is shot. Sometimes it's just pure unadulterated laziness. Actually, most of the time that's what it is, but I also mask laziness as: The bed is too inviting at 5:00 AM. The kids kept me up all night continually sneaking into bed with us.
• When I have done it right before, why can't I sustain it? That's what gets me. The sheer awesome feeling I have when I do do it should make it more likely I'll continue it, right? But the thing is, it's not easy to do it. The human condition primes us to take the path of least resistance, and my cozy bed isn't nearly as resistant as dragging my lazy butt out of bed and into the cold morning air. It's like I tell my 13 year old: Anything worth doing is hard. If it's easy it probably isn't worth your time. I guess I should take my own advice. I know that once I get over that initial daily hump of oh-god-i-don't-want-to-do-this-today it goes quite well, but it's that first hump that gets me every time.
• What's my motivation to get over that hump? I read an article about a guy who hangs a sign on his ceiling so that it's the first thing he sees when he wakes up. The sign says, "Get up and exercise you lazy f###er!" That works for him. It wouldn't work for me because I so blind that I wouldn't be able to read it until I put my glasses on, but I need something on that level. I've considered wiring my alarm clock so that the speaker is in the wall of our bedroom and the controls are in another room somewhere else in the house so I'd have to get up and run into another room to turn it off, but that wouldn't go over well with the wife.

Cross posted at The Temple of the Turtle

The Year of the Five Fs

I'm declaring '09 the year of the Five Fs:

• Faith
• Family
• Fitness
• Finance
• Future

What's all this nonsense about you ask? Baby, I'm a planner. I kinda geek out when a new year rolls around because I get to think of challenges to overcome. This year, it's F⁵.

Do you care? I know you do, and that's why you're still reading, so here's the scoop on how I came up with F⁵:

• Faith. You gotta put God at the center of everything you do. That's freakishly hard, especially for someone like me who is inherently selfish and lazy. For a while I was in the habit of starting every day with devotional prayer and reading. I miss that feeling of starting the day grounded. Also, I've been reading the Bible since I was a tiny anklebiter, but I've never deliberately read the Book in its entirely. Given these two facts, my first goal in '09 is to read the entire Bible. As an evangelical Christian, my first priority is making sure I'm right with God; Living as He intends for me to live, and this is done through prayer and reflection. There is so much in the Bible about doing it, but this passage stands out to me the most, from Philippians 4:
  

  Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
  

  Therefore I should read The First Manual Ever Written.
  
• Family. I believe that you are defined by the relationships you nurture. (That's a major reason I'm so anti-Obama. Look at what relationships he's been nurturing and you get a clear understanding of his loyalties.) After God, the most important entities in my life are my wife and four tiny humans, then it's my extended family and church family (meaning, other disconnected Christians). When it comes to nurturing these relationships, I've fallen short. That is why my second goal in '09 is to nurture relationships with my loved ones.
• Fitness. My health is going down the tubes. Every year I break a personal weight record. I'm now knocking on the door of Type II diabetes (the fat, lazy kind) and my triglycerides are way too high. This goal will require the most drastic changes. I need to completely revamp my habits and start kicking the ass off myself, so to speak. I plan to lose 1 1/2 pounds per week in '09. If I can do this, then I'll be at my ideal weight. You can track my progress along with me on my fatman blog: http://thetempleoftheturtle.wordpress.com/
• Finance. This is my hobby. This is what I really enjoy: Personal Finance. I love it so much that I've dedicated an entire blog to it: http://www.theapostleoftheturtle.com/. Of course, just because I enjoy it doesn't mean I'm the best at it. We're still wallowing in debt, which is the ultimate badge of dishonor. My financial goal for the coming year is to have all debt paid off except for the Big Three: AmEx, Student Loans, and House.
• Future. The Final F of the Fabulous Five. Here I am, approaching 34 and I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. My wife and I have a blossoming photography business, which is a likely candidate for the future. That's why my final goal is to plant the seeds to grow our business in coming years. What does this mean exactly? Stick around and you'll find out.
  

Celebration of Animal Protein and Handguns

Tomorrow is the big feast, but we also have one tonight. I look at this holiday as a celebration of the omnivore lifestyle. This is the holiday in which we exercise our God-given superiority over the beasts of land, water, and air by eating them.

We pick the ugliest, strangest creature second only to the duck-billed platypus and say, hey, I'm going to eat you. I'm going to eat you smothered in gravy with mashed potatoes and stuffing on the side. Then, when I'm done, I'm going to digest you fully so that your protein and fat supplies me with energy to absorb while I lay on the floor unable to move.

But something else is on my mind. Guns. You've no doubt heard that guns sales are on the rise because Fuhrer Obama is expected to line-item veto the second amendment. What kind of socialist would he be if he left the masses armed?

Anyway, I've never been a fan of guns. I thought the danger of owning a gun outweighed the benefits. But now that right to own firearms might be coming to pass, my opinion is starting to change.

Not long ago I read a blog wherein the author decided to carry a gun with him everywhere he legally could, and I have to say that reading that post really whet my appetite for packin' heat. I started to fantasize what it must feel like to have one on your person at all times. I bet it feels sort of empowering. Heh, no wonder the Fresh Prez doesn't like us to have them.

But why is this pistolust such a part of our heritage? I think for the exact reason Barry doesn't like them. If the people of your nation are more armed than not, who controls whom? If you have your own "civilian" army and your people are rendered defenseless, who controls whom? As Lincoln said, we are a government of the people, by the people, for the people. There's no room for Obama's Civilian Army.

So what going to happen? Is everyone with a gun going to revolt and take the nation back by force? If that notion seems laughable to you, take a look around the world. It's happened before. It's happened right here. Don't get me wrong; collectively we're too lazy, fat, and selfish to put that much on the line for now. But don't fool yourself into thinking that we can't or won't reach a level of desperate motivation.

So am I going to rush out and buy a gun? Nah. Count me among the fat and lazy. Plus, if I have an extra $600 to $800 laying around, I'm going to pay off debt with it or pad my children's education fund. But for the first time in my adult life, I've considered the option. But if the time to revolt comes before I've bought my Smith & Wesson, I guess I have to be that guy who shows up to a gun fight with a knife.