Celebration of Animal Protein and Handguns

Tomorrow is the big feast, but we also have one tonight. I look at this holiday as a celebration of the omnivore lifestyle. This is the holiday in which we exercise our God-given superiority over the beasts of land, water, and air by eating them.

We pick the ugliest, strangest creature second only to the duck-billed platypus and say, hey, I'm going to eat you. I'm going to eat you smothered in gravy with mashed potatoes and stuffing on the side. Then, when I'm done, I'm going to digest you fully so that your protein and fat supplies me with energy to absorb while I lay on the floor unable to move.

But something else is on my mind. Guns. You've no doubt heard that guns sales are on the rise because Fuhrer Obama is expected to line-item veto the second amendment. What kind of socialist would he be if he left the masses armed?

Anyway, I've never been a fan of guns. I thought the danger of owning a gun outweighed the benefits. But now that right to own firearms might be coming to pass, my opinion is starting to change.

Not long ago I read a blog wherein the author decided to carry a gun with him everywhere he legally could, and I have to say that reading that post really whet my appetite for packin' heat. I started to fantasize what it must feel like to have one on your person at all times. I bet it feels sort of empowering. Heh, no wonder the Fresh Prez doesn't like us to have them.

But why is this pistolust such a part of our heritage? I think for the exact reason Barry doesn't like them. If the people of your nation are more armed than not, who controls whom? If you have your own "civilian" army and your people are rendered defenseless, who controls whom? As Lincoln said, we are a government of the people, by the people, for the people. There's no room for Obama's Civilian Army.

So what going to happen? Is everyone with a gun going to revolt and take the nation back by force? If that notion seems laughable to you, take a look around the world. It's happened before. It's happened right here. Don't get me wrong; collectively we're too lazy, fat, and selfish to put that much on the line for now. But don't fool yourself into thinking that we can't or won't reach a level of desperate motivation.

So am I going to rush out and buy a gun? Nah. Count me among the fat and lazy. Plus, if I have an extra $600 to $800 laying around, I'm going to pay off debt with it or pad my children's education fund. But for the first time in my adult life, I've considered the option. But if the time to revolt comes before I've bought my Smith & Wesson, I guess I have to be that guy who shows up to a gun fight with a knife.